Sometimes projects are a good thing…

Lost

Lost © Lindsey Sheret Reuse of this image is prohibited without consent of the photographer.

Today I took on the task of completely overhauling my Red Bellied Toad’s tank.  Not an easy task let me tell you.  Being a newbie to them when I took them on, I set up a pretty cool…I thought…looking tank, with a living plant ect.  All was well and good till the toads do what they do, dig.  Dirt in the water.  The original filter I got couldn’t handle the mess and died.

Today I got a brand new better filter (which looks like a waterfall by the way, nice and relaxing), some new rocks, ect, and totally tore the dame thing apart.  It looks better now, tweaks needed.  The new filter is so much better and will work with the toads.  No more dirt. The plant I have in the tank likes wet environments and I figured out a way to use the rocks instead of the dirt (I hope).

Whew that was hours of work.  But boy does it look good.  And I felt good.  Super good.  Except for the left over mess I still need to deal with but it’s not much.  Part of the plant was too big to put back in the tank and is now well…probably dying in my bathroom.  A couple rocks that need a good deep clean that I’m not up for tonight.

Besides that I sat and sketched for a hour tonight.  I was pleased with my last one but no pictures tonight.  Too much wine…ok really a couple glasses but with these damn meds even if I wait hours after I take em make me super loopy if I indulge in a glass or two.

All the good can’t stop the creeping doubts about this appointment on tuesday.  What if they can’t help me with my meds?  What if the person I’m seeing is horrible?  What if…what if…what if?  I’m just really scared.  Scared it wont be someone who gets me.  What if they can’t/wont help me with my meds?  What do I do?  I’m still waiting to get new GP and who knows how long that will take to actually get in to see her once I FINALLY get my records transferred.

I hate this the most.  A good day.  A day where for a time I forgot everything else for just awhile.  And now all of it surges in at once.  Doubt.  Self hate.  Shame.

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