Tuesdays appointment with my therapist when really well. And I left feeling really good. Even up to suggesting stopping by the pet shop to maybe pick up a couple guppies for the frogs tank.
The Other Half suggested we make a stop by the local SPCA just to visit the animals and play with the dogs a little. Which I was excited to do. So we stopped in. Met some sweet cats with lots of head rubs and purrs, and some very lovey dogs.
One in particular we just couldn’t stop loving on. As we were getting ready to leave he gave us the saddest “please take me home” eyes. We went back to say goodbye one more time and realized the shelter had actually waived his adoption fees due to him being quite old.
An hour later we walked out with out new “old man”. His name is still to be decided. Since his name from the shelter is far to close to the Other Half’s. He’s been a blessing to me. He is the push I need to go outside everyday. And he will let me just hold and lay on him when I’m having a hard time.
Hopes were dashed about getting some relief after seeing the nurse yesterday. She couldn’t give me any prescriptions until I’ve met with the psychiatrist, which of course the earliest I could get in to see one is Monday.
This news, plus learning the propranolol is dropping my blood pressure enough that the nurse advised me to not take it. (96/60 I believe). Sent me into a panic attack. I held it in almost until the Other Half came to pick me up.
He then decided we should go back to the walk-in. Which we did. An hour and a half later…and anxiety attacks the entire time I was there. I left with atleast a prescription for some Valium just to get me through till Monday.
Another trip to DSS today was rough. But I did it. Most of my paperwork is in, and I have one more thing to turn in and I will atleast have my Medicaid and food stamps. God. Saying that makes me feel horrible. Never did I think I would be on public assistance. But. I know it’s what I have to do right now.
Frustratingly though every step forward I take it feels like I find out about five more I need to take before I get to where I need to go.
I just keep reminding myself…it’s one step at a time. And to breath.