Maybe its because its summer. Maybe it’s because its bathing suite season. Maybe its just because everyone is wearing far less clothing because its summer. But I’ve seen a lot of these kinds of images popping up all over my Facebook feed.
Don’t get me wrong. Being confident in your body IS important. I know no matter what size you may be you may still have body issues…
I am, in fact, floating between a size 0-1. No I don’t have the body of a 12 year old boy either thank you. I suppose in a lot of ways I have exactly what a lot of girls wish they had. I’m short but not too short, skinny, no issues with putting on weight, in fact I have the issues that I see a lot of people saying they hate when skinny girls say they have issues keeping on weight. Well. Guess what ladies. It is not the glorious curse you think it is.
I am constantly making myself eat SOMETHING. Even if I don’t really want food I need to eat. If I don’t I lose weight. I at one point not that long ago when I’d hardly been eating…and I was hardly 100lbs. It’s scary shit. I normally attempt to stay in the 110-115 range if I’m lucky I can usually manage it as long as I make sure I eat. Not so easy when anxiety and depression are running rampant in your life. Some days I really just don’t want to eat. I want to stay in bed and sleep.
So when these little Meme’s pop up in my Facebook feed…I some days just feel like I’m being attacked because I’m skinny. The logical part of my brain tells me it’s nothing of the sort. They are not directing these images to me and only me.
Then my lovely brain of mine decides to pick myself apart.
Why can’t I look like other girls do?
I never wear make up, not that my skills at applying it are lacking. My hair. Well. It’s pretty simple. It’s either down or pulled back into a quick bun. I don’t know the first thing about actually styling hair. God it looks so easy when I watch others do their hair. Blow dryer in one hand a round brush in the other….and I end up with a rats nest of hair tangled around a brush…
I admit. I have zero sense of style. Not that I’ve bought myself more than a couple pairs of shorts and maybe a couple work friendly shirts in the past few years. I am a t-shirt and jeans girl. I hate going out of the house when College is in session. The sorority girls everywhere makes me feel like I’m some ugly troll wandering the streets.
I mean. I could go to the gym and tone up. I could make more attempts at looking how I wish I looked. But would it ever live up to the standards I have set for myself in my head?