I want to state simply for the record. I hate you.
Three simple words…
I. Hate. You.
How I longed to say them…and have you know I really meant it. Over 6 years and you…no matter how many times you prove you are not worth my time. I allow you to be in my life.
You have no right. You took my heart time and time again and smashed it. Then. As if it was fun for you. You would allow me to put it back together again only to break it all over again.
You would think I would have learned. Cut you from my life six years ago when I let you break my heart for the third and last time. But I hold on. As if you being my friend truly matters.
At first. It only made me feel better. Watching your misery. Living at home. First the girl you left me for refused you time and time again. Then. In a stagnant relationship. Oh how it made me feel good. Watching you so unhappy. Finally you were starting to feel the pain you’d put me through.
The years of letting your friends use me as a verbal punching bag. I was after all just “taking it to personally” right? Leaving me hanging time and time again. Refusing to ever make plans.
Blowing me off…to now what I know was to go off and cheat with other girls.
But you were always unhappy, just enough to make me feel better.
And then there she was. Taking cute selfies with you…something you always made fun of me for wanting to do. You. Making plans. Going places you would never go with me. You. Making public declarations of your love…
You. Happy. It makes me burn with rage…it truly hurts it makes me so angry I want to scream.
Why do I have to feel this way??
I hate you.
That fact I am sure of.
What does any of this matter any way?
Because. You were the first boy I loved. I thought for so long…and you let me…that we would get married. Silly little girl I was…fooled by a boy.
You hurt me. And now I want you to hurt like I do. Still. The things you did. The things you said. They still hurt. They left wounds that will never heal.
I will never trust like I did before I met you.
You broke me. And I can never forgive you for that. Perhaps some day I will be strong enough to finally cut you from my life.
Please until then. Don’t forget. I hate you. For every thing you did. And everything you didn’t do.