And here come the side effects…

Sadly I had my first experience with sleep paralysis the other day. I can only think it was due to the celexa not the Xanax as I’d not taken any yet that day.

It was pretty scary. I was awake enough to know I couldn’t move. If I closed my eyes it was like I felt myself sitting up to move but the second I opened my eyes I was exactly where I had been.

It passed. And I was able to wake myself fully but the lingering feeling of helplessness remains.

I feel so hopeless. If this med doesn’t work…what’s left for me?

Today I’m pretty sure I broke my shrinks brain.

Today I met my new psychiatrist. Nice lady…and completely perplexed as what to do with me after I read off my laundry list of previous meds.

She agrees that the SSNRIs are not for me. So out goes Pristiq. I’m not sad about that.

But. I have been on every SSRI except one. Celexa. Which she wants to give a go with. And change out my Valium for Xanax.

She had a hard time to even decide on that. She kept saying I was a challenge and at one point she actually said I made her brain hurt. Ha!

So here we are. Blind date #4 starts tomorrow with 10mg of celexa, .5 mg Xanax 3x a day plus the usual 25 mg hydroxyzine twice a day.

If this doesn’t work…well I don’t know where I will go meds wise.

8am.

It’s still quite.

Although if you’d asked me that about 30 minuets ago while the dumpster was being emptied and the…lovely lower income locals yelling at their children as they set off to school…

But. For now it’s quiet. I can hear the birds chirping. And anything seems possible.

I have yet to find fault in myself. The day could actually be a good one.

But my mind will always get in the way. I will…before noon too…do something that has “ruined” the day.

It will be the blemish that follows me today.

For now. Perhaps I can sleep a little longer and hold on.

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