Long neglected blog, I have returned. I miss my outlet…sharing my struggles and triumphs with total strangers.
With my return I’ve changed my blogs name, as I have after all these years, have the official diagnosis. Aside from major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety, possible borderline personality disorder….I am also Bipolar type II.
It took being kicked out of my previous mental health clinic (a long story for another day). Going from private psychologist to the next, and finding a private psychiatrist…I’m finally getting treatment that I should have been getting from the bringing of my breakdown.
I’d always suspected the possibility of being bipolar and was blown off by my previous clinic. Fun stuff.
To make things even better, just as I started to see a light at the end of the tunnel, it turned out to be a train to knock me down. The boyfriend of over 2 years walked out in the middle of the night, leaving a note saying he left me, with rent due in a week, two dogs, three cats, and his chinchilla to get on a bus and move Texas to be with a girl he had been cheating on me with online for months.
Apparently it was hell being with me, and I “fabricate things to get pity from others.” Such as a lovely photo making fun of people with anxiety that I apparently planted to get pity because he would never do such a thing…or that he was cheating, or that he stole from me. That I made up his violent tendencies that, I have holes in walls and doors that say otherwise.
He left his rant stating that I’m a pathetic woman in her 40s…apparently I slept for 7 years as last I checked I was 33. Oh and that I’m going nowhere in life.
I guess the one thing I can be grateful for is that the trash took itself out.
This all happened while being freshly diagnosed bipolar, major med changes…the thoughts of just giving up and killing myself swam through my brain.
Here I am, 3+ months later. I still hurt…having yet another guy leave me and blame my mental illness for it. But I’m also learning about myself and how I set myself up for failure in my relationships jumping in without truly knowing who the person is, and I, in the end am the one who gets hurt.