Trying to rebuild once again

I feel like I’ve been ripped open and everything is just falling apart around me. The words my ex threw at me burn…worse than I even imagined.

I look back at the last 2+ years and all I see are lies upon lies.  I’m not sure I know what is real anymore. Did he even care?  Or was I just passable girl to be with until someone better came around.

Never did he attempt to understand me or my illness. He pulled the typical “just stop focusing on it and you’ll feel better”. Right it’s like telling someone who just broke their leg to just walk it off and they will be fine.

I looked past the verbal and mental abuse. The accusing me of not being able to trust me alone after a fight. Punching holes in the doors and walls. He just found every way possible to tear me down. And stupid me had to open back up that wound and ask him to return the things he stole. All I got in return is to be torn apart…left feeling as if I had been stabbed in the heart again.

All this because I refused to allow him to have “his” dog Grace. After he walked out leaving me with more pets than any one person could care for without being in an incredibly depressed state. Grace became my rock. My heart dog. When I was crying uncontrollably she was at my side licking the tears from my face. When the anxiety was so bad I didn’t know if I’d be able to make it through she was climbing into my lap…all 70lbs of her…and pressing herself against me so hard to help ground me. She became my reason to leave the house. I think the bond became so strong after she realized I was just as broken as she was.  He still accuses me of keeping her only to hurt him. 

Grace spent over a year of her life bouncing from foster homes to the shelter to being adopted and returned, abused so severely if you move to fast even to this day she cowers.

We both are recovering. I just need to learn better self control. No more messaging him. Blocking him and keeping him blocked.

I know I am strong. I’ve rebuilt my broken self many times over. I will not allow him to win and ruin me.

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3 thoughts on “Trying to rebuild once again

  1. The poem is beautiful and my fur babies, especially my Kenzie, has been with me every step of the way. There is nothing like the love of a pet. I’m glad are rid of someone that made your life worse rather than better. I pray you stay strong.

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