Manic

  
What a wonderful gift from my brain today…I was feeling less depressed this morning and by the afternoon I was in a full blown manic phase. I couldn’t stop talking, moving, trying to cook I’m not sure how I managed not to cut off a finger with how fast I felt I had to move. 

Then everything started to fall apart, I’m in the middle of actually starting dinner cooking, some already on the stove, chopping the rest…and Grace wants in. And she’s COVERED in mud. She’s whining at the door I’m having a hard time focusing…some how I managed to breath and get through it.  

Grace gets wiped down. No big deal…

Then…oh then comes paying my bills…my electric company’s phone lines arnt open today, and for whatever reason it wouldn’t recognize any of my information. I spent 45 minuets getting more and more frustrated. Then I can’t log on to my internet providers site, or my gas company. My mind was going too fast. I could feel the anger building. Finally exploding at my dad who was just trying to help. 

In the end, Internet is paid, in my panicked state I misread the email. And Gas, I apparently needed finish setting up my account fully. The electric. No dice. The automated system won’t work, the website still won’t take my info even tho I confirmed I had it all right. My mind is still flying…I want it done right now so I can breath. Now it will be taunting me from the back of my mind all night.  

I feel my heart racing and my hands shaking even now that I’ve calmed down and acknowledged where I am mentally.  I’m still struggling through.  It’s going to be a long night. 

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