Deepest of Depression

  
After over a week of numbing depression, I’m finally coming up for air.

Maybe it was the poor choice to message the ex that triggered it…or something else. All I know is for over a week I felt numb. No interest in anything…thus radio silence on the blog front.  Forcing myself to cook…and eat. Making sure I actually ate at all some days. Feeling like all I wanted to do was sleep. Naps were my best friend. 

Oh plus getting let down by a friend who made plans then got caught up with something never bothered to message me until an hour and a half after they were supposed to show.  I ended up telling him to forget it since it was already getting late and he was going to be another hour or so. 

Makes you feel super unimportant. Just lets the depression seep in more. 

The last few days have been better. Had an appointment with the shrink, who’s adding a new med, that I can’t for the life of me remember right now. Which of course my insurance won’t cover without my shrink telling them I need it, so now comes the waiting game to get it approved. 

It feels like the depression is creeping in again today, but the anxiety is worse. Maybe it’s the holidays coming up. I’ve always loved to give special gifts but being beyond broke I’m going to be making presents this year. I don’t mind. I know my family will appreciate them. But. I don’t feel like it’s enough. Plus. Putting on the happy face and attitude for thanksgiving with the family already makes me feel exhausted. I hate that. I love seeing my family. Getting to play with my nephews and niece. 

But it just sounds exhausting. 
The one bright spot in all of this is the new boyfriend. He tries so hard to help when I’m feeling like this, although it’s hard since we live in different towns and its a good 45 minuet drive…and me with no car. Makes it hard to see each other often. 

Well I suppose that’s enough of a pity party for today. 

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